“Don’t mention the war!” Avoiding cultural faux pas
23 October 2020
Asking someone how much money they earn may be offensive in Australia but is regarded as quite normal in China. On the other hand, kissing or hugging as a greeting is perfectly normal in Australia. In China such a greeting may result in embarrassment or a misunderstanding, especially if you're trying to build a business relationship.
Living in a multicultural country, Australians are culturally sensitive and equipped to manage differences. We know instinctively that foreign friends may not appreciate a Vegemite sandwich, so we would not force it on them. When overseas, we normally consult our Lonely Planet guide for helpful advice on local habits, customs and taboos.
Many Chinese taboos are well known to us, including that one should never give a clock as a gift. I thought it was because it symbolises that "time is running out", but the actual reason is that "to send a clock" (送钟, sòng zhōng) sounds like "funeral ritual" (送终, sòng zhōng), which may be construed as sending bad luck.
I’ve come to realise that many Chinese taboos relate to death. Sticking chopsticks upright into a rice bowl is considered ominous as the chopsticks resemble joss sticks used for venerating the dead. Even the number four (四), pronounced si, is avoided as it sounds like the word for death (死, also pronounced si).
Chopsticks should be handled with respect – never stick your chopsticks into your rice in the bowl, and never tap the bowl with your chopsticks. Credit: DFAT
I once put up a professionally photographed black and white picture of myself on my WeChat profile thinking it made me look dignified. Moments later, my Chinese colleagues came to me gasping with horror, and gently advised me that black and white photos tended to be used for people who have passed away in China. It was changed quickly.
It’s better not to use a black and white photo for your social media profile. Credit: DFAT
During my time here, I've learnt that taboos aren’t absolute, nor are they strictly adhered to by everyone. For instance, turning over a whole fish at the dining table after you’ve eaten one side can be tricky. In coastal areas, it could mean misfortune as the action may symbolises a boat capsizing. However, Sichuan diners take no notice of the taboo, happily flipping a half devoured fish. Perhaps as an inland province, the people of Sichuan are less attuned to the perils of the sea.
Colours can be very tricky. In some provinces, the elderly disapprove of children wearing yellow due to the colour's connotations with funerals. Yet, in Sichuan and in the north, yellow is considered an acceptable colour as it was once the exclusive colour of Qing dynasty royalty.
Who would have thought that a green cap is verboten? In China, a "green hat" (绿帽子 lǜ màozi) means that a man's wife has been unfaithful. Apparently, it’s based on a tale of a merchant's wife who had an affair with a cloth seller. She made a green hat for her husband who duly wore it to work. The green hat atop the merchant's head became a signal to the cloth seller that he could meet his lover!
In mainland China, wearing a green cap suggests that your partner has been unfaithful. Credit: DFAT
Numerous quirky and fun taboos can be the subject of spirited and friendly conversations with Chinese friends without transgression. A distinctly mainland Chinese custom is always to wash your “smalls” separately for fear of “germ contamination”, with some households keeping two washing machines for this purpose. My confession that I put all my clothes together in the wash always result in Chinese friends recoiling uncomfortably.
Many mainland Chinese friends will shudder at the thought of washing your “smalls” together with the rest of your laundry. Credit: DFAT
Another topic for genial banter is whether someone showers just before bed or instead first thing in the morning. Most Chinese are adamant the former promotes good sleep and is therefore the best option. When I say I shower first thing in the morning so that I am fresh for a new day, friends shudder at the thought that I would have gone to bed "dirty".
After a while, I get used to these quirks. For example, I am aware of Chinese aversion to sharing a pear – “cutting a pear to share” (分梨 fēn lí) sounds like “to separate” (分离 fēn lí), so wouldn’t do this deliberately as much as I want to share sliced fruit. I’m also careful not to take photos of deities in Buddhist or Daoist temples, this is considered an insult.
If I inadvertently broke a taboo or made those around me uncomfortable because I wasn’t aware of certain social norms, I'd apologise and explain that I mean no offence. In China, there’s a general acceptance that social norms and taboos may differ due to cultural, religious or regional factors. Most locals understand that as foreigners, we would have different customs, and would be keen to simply move on.
My last observation is that over the years, I’ve seen how fluid social norms and taboos can be. For instance, previously the double happiness character (囍) was used only for weddings, but outside mainland China, this character can be seen in the modern designs of gift items, including those not meant for weddings. Similarly, in the past, Chinese women wouldn’t wear white wedding dresses, because white is a mourning colour. Only red could be worn during weddings. But the allure of international fashion and peer pressure is so great that Chinese women now no longer have an issue with white wedding dresses. Young Chinese now often regard these taboos critically, and don’t often practice them even though they are aware of them.
So, do any of your promotional products include a green cap? How would you react when someone asks me how much you earn?
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